Lost

How would you go without turning back?

The past few days had been tough for me. As I am going through my exams (worst part is that all of those exams are packed in a single day), I am plagued with an inner conflict - something I have not experience for quite some time. Certainly, I have my high and lows in my emotional roller coaster - in short, being emo... But this one just popped out without any conscious sense to it. I had spent most of my time thinking. But deep thoughts are difficult to obtain. Especially if you are in a circle of friends. As they say, a friend in need is a friend indeed. All I really wanted is some space, some room of privacy, some moment to be alone. I had tried my best alienate my self from the rest of the world - being invisible from any co-existance. Yes, my self-conflict is that bad. Something laugh upon this is that I began to have more awareness of this issue after watching an anime introduced to me by Max. Honey and Clover. And boy do I really indulged myself into it. It's just another lovable anime with deep, thoughtful meanings... then there was one episode just hit on mind. I have been trying to run away from all troubles in my life. I am coward. So I took a desperate attempt to disengage myself from the world that I am trying to adapt to. Yet I go further apart, I began to feel a big void within me. Inside my true self... hollow, empty, alone. How far have I went? How far am I apart from reality? What am I missing? Missing... yes, that is one of the answers which I managed to hold on to. In my period of loneliness (my attempts to avoid any social contact), I went on without looking back. But I did. Beacause I know I had to turn back. I know what I've been missing so far. It's companionship. My friends. I truly miss my friends. Near and far, old and new, special ones and acquaintances. I truly appreciate them all. I had smiled whenever I think about it. However, just when I felt joyous after conceiving the answer of my personal issues, I realise that it is far from over. Friendship, though precious, is not the ultimate truth of life. Again, as the wheel kept on its motion on spinning, I went through a full circle - not finding any satisfactory answer to this dilemma. As melancholic as I sound, personal issues as this one is preferably not to be discussed for public viewing. But I need to shout this out. I need to throw this one off my chest. The heavy burden is still there but at least I know that I have acknowledge my vulnerable self as I seek for the truth.