Karma

Warning! I am not posting the lyrics for the song 'Karma' as sang by Alicia Keys. No, it's about me. All me. Speculate more then you will know that I am in emo mode now. Nothing girly, just emotional. Or maybe it's just a little too cold in my room and my brain is not able to be rational. Screw it. Lets get bitter and sweet...

After been through those rough days, I deserve some pampering for myself. Earlier this month, I hit rock bottom. I suffered endured my first actual financial crisis. Never in my life I have felt so broke and hopeless. I was to be blamed. A man of mistake and succumbed to his own guilt. Indeed the justification is reasonable. I spent a lot in the previous semester as a consequence of the KL shopping trip and of course, the so-claimed malang tidak berbau accident, which in my opinion, reaped the most cash out of me. Allow me to use my daily colloquial in this text - CIBAI!! And that is from a local dialect that I don't wish to translate (even if you know what it meant) due to its obscene nature. Well, I ought to learn my lesson and advice taken. No thanks to this though, relationships with my family was (probably should be corrected to present tense instead) quite rocky. The thing was they wanted to ban me from driving. Go fuck yourself with that! And I'm not bothered to censor my use of language for that. Yes, things were tough. The beginning of the semester was rather bad too. I did not like the subjects. I just tag along without without giving too much thought into it. I don't want to stress myself up with those silly matters. Bore with them all, that's the only way to it. I also develop a certain conflict (or more to a problem instead) with all of the students in THIS campus. Neither an anti-social nor friendly, I have a problem with them. In fact, I gave a lot of thinking going on there. Throughout of the previous semester, I had a hard time figuring which group of friends I really belong to. I believe myself as an eccentric. I may be shallow but I am unpredictable. I can read me but you will not figure out my next behaviour. I can be clown, I can also frown. I am a jack with many masks (fusing the idea of 'jack of all trades'). The whole point is I have trouble connecting with people because we don't speak the same language and we don't speak the same topic. The first one was not meant literally. I have no problem being an alien that does not share the common communication medium, as long as I can I understand one's intention. Not speaking the same language meant differently, somehow I can make up words for it. Conveying thoughts are just not my thing. I can well up emotions and burst it out in other manner (usually eating or shopping binge, rather thrifty). Don't worry, I am not a violent man. Being civilized, I understand the negativity of violence and how stupid one will be (not to mention ugly) if anger is consuming a person. I was noted, I had learned. In family, this happens. I know how ugly anger is. And I am the only apparent genius person in my family who is smart enough to avoid anger as an excuse to escape. Talk about family drama. Alright, change the topic now. This is a rather sensitive issue. Elaborating may lead to further disastrous consequences.

At the end of the day, I was showed a glimpse of hope. The study loan is in (I made a kick start to avoid myself from overspending and save even more without neglecting several aspects of life as a student of course - fun and health). I had the sudden urge of being independent from my parents (partially, not totally though), at least in terms of financial. I thought I could as agreed before but I had a little devil devil saying, 'I will have some consolations from my parents once in awhile.' And I was am thrifty anyway. Then the study had made my stress swelled to unprecedented limit. I hate studying - especially now. And not the mention those idiotic subject like Health Communication (what the heck with all those health campaigns?) and English (something that all Malaysian students had been learning since... lets says since kindergarten!!!). Actually, I am vying for a job - my own (hard-earned) paycheck. I never opt for studying and I don't like the idea of education for career. I wish I have money for my children in the future so that I can send them to private schools to help them accelerate in their study and get a job as fast as they could. The idea of better education for a better career does not apply for me because for me, life does not work that way. You work for it, you earn it. That idea for an education is rather silly and superstitious. In my context, you only pursue education for the knowledge and the good of mankind. You don't gain knowledge for the sake of getting rich. So how do I deal with it? Study stress, I mean. Go out and have fun. Apparently fun was not in the equation but we went out and fulfilled our deepest desires. I was longing for a plate of spaghetti, my friends was constantly demanding for a decent meal for his dinner. Problem solved. What I really look forward to is this weekend. The campus is about to hold a Chinese New Year gala night. Oh, did I mentioned gala night? Pardon me for my language please. It's just a gathering to commemorate a festivity better known as CNY or Chinese New Year. Yeah, that is far suited the event. My only hope (I'll be careful enough to not give high expectations to it) is I can have some eye candies and some decent performance, though I couldn't care less for the latter. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Skepticism

Dear Scorpio, today this will happen to you - casting your usual doubts of skepticism. Indeed, it is a natural behaviour among Scorpio. To question any scrupulous issues, especially those that deemed to be impossible, is the biggest advantage of Scorpios. At least, in my opinion. Even by saying this statement, other Scorpios out there will also query this curious fellow Scorpio. Horoscope reading is common trend in the current stream. Up to the individual whether to believe it or not. Most of horoscope readers will always find truth of the readings only after getting those prediction at the end of the day. I don't fall victim for such coincidental prophecy but this do not stop the curious appetite of me from abstaining myself from the horoscope glam. Believers and non-believers alike will find some interesting or rather accidental circumstances of events as mentioned by horoscope readings. My personal opinion is that doubt is imminent for such far fetching forecasts as proposed by those horoscope and one should not easily rely on them solely, especially in matters related to your life. Words from a skeptic or more like a a non-believer of superstitions. Why all of the sudden I am ranting about horoscope? Well, read this one out first before speculating.

"A festive social event could either start or consolidate a love relationship, which could last for a long time. New and interesting people could come into your life, dear Scorpio, bringing stimulating conversation and useful information. Someone whom you haven't seen for a while could also appear on the scene, making for a joyful reunion. A project you've been working on, either job-related or personal, could finally be completed. Enjoy your day."

I read this two days ago, earlier that morning. Without hesitation, I deny of its possibility. To begin with, there was no such social event going on that day. A total false alarm there. Not to mention of consolidating my love life there. Then interesting new faces that is going to enter my life? Rubbish? No, total piece of shit! But I was hinted on that day about a new lecturer that would be teaching my English class. That will not affect my judgement on this horoscope reading. Then a reunion with an old acquaintance. That surely did not happen. The completion of a project is definitely not for real as there was no project to begin with! So my skeptic doubt are always truthful, solidifying my beneficial belief of being a skeptic. Another one that I had read recently indicated the accuracy of a Chinese horoscope reading. I only started with the first two lines, already I have discovered its unworthiness. It is not a let-down, rather it is a bonus to my skeptic mind.

Ps: At the end of the day, I still read horoscopes.
OnTrack: Adagio for String (DJ Tiesto)

A Reason to Blog

I need something different. I need to change. Every time I am posting a blog, it's all rants and more rants. So obviously I need a fix for it. But I really need to let this one out. This had been my first blog for days. Not due to the lack of motivation of blogging. Solely because of no connectivity to the internet for the past few days. Let us just go to the juicy part. My dad just gave a nod for me to go back for CNY. Considering it is a two-week holiday, it's the best option yet. Plus it has gotten even better. My dad even allow me to go back to Kelantan by MAS. At last, some peace of mind. I mean, I am looking forward for the convenience of good in-flight services. However in contrast with MAS, AirAsia has the youngest fleet yet - 100 brand new Airbus A380s ready for service, alongside with aging second-hands from MAS fleet of Boeing 737-300. I could not care less. At least, I get to go back to Miri and spend my holidays there - rather than rotting in this pit! That's the jolly side of my story.
Now the bitter. I have problems getting up early in the morning. Joke. I get that most of the time. But somehow, it's more sensible. Nowadays I only can sleep at 4a.m. Correct, 4a.m. Nocturnal life is here to stay. The bad part is that my English class is 8a.m. tomorrow. I wish to skip it but the lecturer knows me too well. My friend and I really stood out than most of the students in the class. Ouch! Solution? I try to stay up, just long enough for me to survive the class... and an interview. An interview for a certain research done by final year medic student. Sounds like a student doing thesis for Masters programme. Call me insane but I will do it, I will try my best to do it. Otherwise I'll be doomed in my slumber - literally.

Ps: The research is about the lefties. WTF?!
OnTrack: ROOTS (B'z)

Sign Bloopers

There are things you have to see to believe. Came forth the power of camera. Capture those special moments and put it in a frame. Yes, it's a photolog this time. And it is just a comical relief. The signboards featured are those that I have spotted in Kelantan throughout my six months (in total) stay here. I had enjoyed it and now it's your turn. Enjoy!



Masalah Tea Latte. It is translated as Problematic Tea Latte. It is either the tea preparation is a headache or to drink that will cause bigger problems. Plus it comes with syrup!



In English, it says God of Surgery. And I thought that was a MYTH! Apparently the letter 'N' was removed from the word 'DEWAN' which makes up for 'DEWAN BEDAH' or Surgery (or Operation) Theater. That should explains everything. Perhaps the surgeons are THAT good.



Nothing is free in this world - even to exist. Try ask your parents. How much did it cost them when you were delivered? This is the most hilarious signboard so far. Pay before you (ever) exist! This was found at a basement carpark. You do the deduction.



If you have a perverted mind, it's all laugh for this one. I just can't hold back those giggles every time I see this sign. Obviously I found this one at a food stall. Translation? One "poke" for 50 cent. You get the idea.

Ps: Alas, I have finished my Anatomy assignment!
OnTrack: Mayonaka no Kamotsu Ressha (Suga Shikao)

Lame, Lame, Lame

Let me sum up my life in this campus. DotA, Death Note, and study. If you are wondering what I do for my free time, well, the first one is apparent enough. Less than six hours from now, I will have my English class - the only morning class that I have for today. I am so used to stay awake for at least a couple of hours from now. Let this be a very unhealthy habit or just a common lifestyle that I am adapting to these days, the only thing that really concerns me is the time that I have these days. So far I have progressed well in my ongoing assignment and still a few notes to catch up to; given that I am not pressured into any hectic schedules in the coming future, I still be able to organise my time properly. Hey, life here is not that tough anyway. The sole problem that has been bothering me since I set foot here was this place all together. I do not expect much from this pathetic place (self-declared Islamic city... what the heck?!). Quite often I felt oppressed and self-inducing depressed by this place. I had this impression that time is wasted here and one will not really enjoy life. Believe me on this one. The people here have limited ideas for fun. If you insist on proof, how about a group of locals coming to the neighbouring hospital and spent time on picnicking there? I am clueless for any reasoning for that. From my previous post, I have emphasized on the dire need for companionship in life especially facing with such scenarios. This place bores me out, surely my friends are there to cheer the whole day (for surviving sake). Without notice, a strong sense of brotherhood (somehow) is formed. Well, if go through hard time together, the bond will grow stronger.
Since I have no intention to babble on something corny, let's just go through today's accounts. For starters, this day is no ordinary day. To begin with, there was this first test for this semester in Anatomy and Physiology (CA or continuous assessment as we refer it to). As a result of failing to cover all of the lecture topics, the test gave me some hard time to complete. Frankly, I did not manage to answer all questions. Obviously, I won't be performing so spectacular this time. I did not put high hope into it anyway. Later that evening, we went out and enjoy our first Prosperity burger of this season. Oh yummy! So if you have been wondering how lame is life here, reading today's summary of events is enough to raise eyebrows. God, help me!

Ps: Never dare yourself with silly promises.
OnTrack: The Light Before We Land (The Delgados)

Reality

At this point of time, I am feeling sleepy. As a matter of fact, I am drained out of my energy - no thanks to the pressurized studying. So I am pulling off the last strain of my consciousness to post this one. I hope you won't mind my language. I am not rational enough to consider any grammatical aspect of my blog now. Yes, I am THAT tired. Throughout this week, I set focus on my studies and my assignment at hand. I dedicated most of the days on those, I don't really spend a whole day to unwind. Sanely I took notice of how ridiculous these actions are but it simply cannot be avoided. Every time I utilize this blog as my small window of opportunity to escape from this reality. In case you didn't notice, I always mention about reality in my recent posts. It can't be helped. Reality bites. Correlating to the reality issue, let's talk about my life at this moment. I guess it's my turn to turn the melancholic side of me. Talk about being so emo - my friends posted theirs recently and so it is my turn now.
Reality will be my central issue about my life now. The true insight of the real life and the fragments of what is to come. I am not talking about life. I am talking about growing up. Adulthood. Being independent. I want the latter, who would refuse it. Everyone aspire for a life without control. Without pressure of any limitations. Without any form of imposing rules and regulations. No bars and strings attached. No parental guidance (but this can be useful sometimes though). I am not in the exclusion list. I am always hopeful for that. But lately I had been taught by certain accounts that had took place and the main message was reality of life is ugly. For instance, my former pathetic self of being cashless. I took the last alternative which really wish not to go for. I begged for money from my parents, literally. If I cannot survive this, imagine this scenario during my adulthood. There are some other accounts which I want to share but privacy forbids. Then there are (silly) usuals. Kelantan is the last place I picture myself to be in. Yet nightmare-turned reality had hinted me glimpse of my failure to adapt myself to the dynamic nature of my surroundings. After being so used to be pampered by the comforts of home, reality (yet again) struck me of how feeble I am living in conditions that I am not familiar with. But in the end, reality shows mercy. There is a blessing in disguise. Just earlier today (yesterday is the proper context as of this moment), I had received the JPA loan after giving high hopes of the deposit to be done within this week. Conjecture proven true. Then I begin to suit myself well in this rut campus, likely due to the excellent connectivity of internet which I fully use now. A score for me in adapting to life here. But above all, I have friends whom I walk side by side in facing this so-called challenges of reality. Just crossed my mind; friends are good remedies of the broken heart. They are the ones who willing to walk together with you and overcome any hurdles ahead with arms joined hand to hand.
Okay I give up now. Being emo and feeling so sleepy while expressing it makes me look like an idiot writing a poem, or a J.K. Rowlings writing books on behalf of John Grisham, or George Lucas directing Brokeback Mountain, or mixing tuna and peanut butter for sandwich. It's a bad combination, that is what I am trying to convey

Ps: Not at peak of my emo state yet.
OnTrack: Sora wo Torimodoshita hi (Shakkazombie)

Reality

At this point of time, I am feeling sleepy. As a matter of fact, I am drained out of my energy - no thanks to the pressurized studying. So I am pulling off the last strain of my consciousness to post this one. I hope you won't mind my language. I am not rational enough to consider any grammatical aspect of my blog now. Yes, I am THAT tired. Throughout this week, I set focus on my studies and my assignment at hand. I dedicated most of the days on those, I don't really spend a whole day to unwind. Sanely I took notice of how ridiculous these actions are but it simply cannot be avoided. Every time I utilize this blog as my small window of opportunity to escape from this reality. In case you didn't notice, I always mention about reality in my recent posts. It can't be helped. Reality bites. Correlating to the reality issue, let's talk about my life at this moment. I guess it's my turn to turn the melancholic side of me. Talk about being so emo - my friends posted theirs recently and so it is my turn now.
Reality will be my central issue about my life now. The true insight of the real life and the fragments of what is to come. I am not talking about life. I am talking about growing up. Adulthood. Being independent. I want the latter, who would refuse it. Everyone aspire for a life without control. Without pressure of any limitations. Without any form of imposing rules and regulations. No bars and strings attached. No parental guidance (but this can be useful sometimes though). I am not in the exclusion list. I am always hopeful for that. But lately I had been taught by certain accounts that had took place and the main message was reality of life is ugly. For instance, my former pathetic self of being cashless. I took the last alternative which really wish not to go for. I begged for money from my parents, literally. If I cannot survive this, imagine this scenario during my adulthood. There are some other accounts which I want to share but privacy forbids. Then there are (silly) usuals. Kelantan is the last place I picture myself to be in. Yet nightmare-turned reality had hinted me glimpse of my failure to adapt myself to the dynamic nature of my surroundings. After being so used to be pampered by the comforts of home, reality (yet again) struck me of how feeble I am living in conditions that I am not familiar with. But in the end, reality shows mercy. There is a blessing in disguise. Just earlier today (yesterday is the proper context as of this moment), I had received the JPA loan after giving high hopes of the deposit to be done within this week. Conjecture proven true. Then I begin to suit myself well in this rut campus, likely due to the excellent connectivity of internet which I fully use now. A score for me in adapting to life here. But above all, I have friends whom I walk side by side in facing this so-called challenges of reality. Just crossed my mind; friends are good remedies of the broken heart. They are the ones who willing to walk together with you and overcome any hurdles ahead with arms joined hand to hand.
Okay I give up now. Being emo and feeling so sleepy while expressing it makes me look like an idiot writing a poem, or a J.K. Rowlings writing books on behalf of John Grisham, or George Lucas directing Brokeback Mountain, or mixing tuna and peanut butter for sandwich. It's a bad combination, that is what I am trying to convey

Ps: Not at peak of my emo state yet.
OnTrack: Sora wo Torimodoshita hi (Shakkazombie)

Lucky, Lucky

Goodbye SHOUTcast! Hello BBC Radio! Ever since the university server had installed the Fortinet webfilter to the server, life in the campus turned out to be very tough. Somehow we (the USM students) felt like our rights had been violated. We are not allowed to have entertainment in our rooms. That's a farewell to mp3s and anime to me. Then a sudden twist of fate. A couple days ago, I just got a random hunch to search any internet radio available. Expectedly all are blocked with excuse of violation the internet usage policy. Then I hit on BBC Radio. Finally a working internet radio beyond the webfilter's constricting parameters. I look at a positive light into it - I can speak better in a London accent. Jolly good! That's not just the only one. The usage of Windows Live IM which was initially blocked, has finally being allowed to use. Great success. Thinking of such open-sky policy possibilities, I was swift to download Death Note anime episode but with no avail. Call it dumb luck as you like, I found a Death Note fan-based site offering downloads in zip files. For acknowledgment, only downloads in the form of zip files and PDFs (apparently) are allowed. A bummer there but I still can my weekly dose of anime (Death Note which I fancy nowadays). I may live in a rut now but blessing come down pouring on me now. I should b thankful for that.
As a point of fact, for me to blog at this moment is a miracle too, given that the internet connection was uninterrupted for throughout the weekend and I have my hand all tied up in my ongoing assignments and revision for my exams. All of these are due next weekend. The pain of reality. At least posting this blog will at least vent off some of the stress of these bundling tasks at hand.

Ps: What the hell?! L meets Kira?!
OnTrack: Gravity (John Mayer)

I Don't Need a Title for This One

It's fitting to give my blog a makeover - it's the new year anyway. Throughout this week, i had gone through one hell of a roller coaster. Conflicts at home and even in the campus. The campus is not a matter to me, yet the complications at home is really unnecessary for me. Well it's my mistake to bring up unnecessary issues myself. So far ignorance and avoidance served me well. For me, time will patch up almost everything (I hope). I really need to get over this. It's giving me unnecessary stress let it be in emotion or relations. Actually, to let out this matter in my blog already causes me distress and restlessness. Done with this topic already.
Another big issue at hand. The weather in Kelantan these days has taken for the worst. From my judgment, a storm is obviously coming to hit this land - hard! Don with the unnecessary turmoil created (as mentioned earlier), you can have a clear picture of how depressed I have get. In spite of these, I tried to mask my true face with the comical personality and the usual ignorant stature. Ridiculous I may sound but I really am praying to God to lift me out from this (again) unnecessary sufferings. As if the worst is not enough, I still need to fret over my studies. Though I am catching up with the lecture notes, I began to think how messy I got in managing those. Just now my roommate had reminded me of how lucky (we) I am. Tomorrow I only have two classes. Just two hours of class. A reason for me to smile for the anticipating day.

Ps: Word of the day, unnecessary
OnTrack: Ju Hua Tai (Jay Chou)

Panic! in the Campus

Another chance to blog today. I need to constantly remind myself to make quick entry to my blog since the connection is rather unstable. Yet so far I am still online since an hour ago. Keeping my fingers crossed since I am downloading some anime mp3s (apparently it is the only possible form of download that is allowed by the fucking Fortinet webfilter). This is the fourth day of the new 2007. Barely a week. Then I made a startling revelation. My personality is conditional and easily influenced. Before the new year, I have change into this study freak who tries to cope with the lecture notes day by day. Giving myself an escape in Penang, the party (and the whole point is the fun) had made me nore relaxed. In fact too relaxed to the extent of my study pace which is at a crawling speed now. It took me a whole day just to finish 20 or more slides and this is out of 123 slide in total (this does not include other lecture note that I have not read). I realise when I faced the reality of my poor results, I began to change my ways of studying. Then the party reset my whole attitude all together. Obviously I need some serious reality check. Later on tonight, the university is having a dinner in conjunction with the recent celebration, namely Deepavali, Hari Raya, Christmas, and New Year. Something like that will not attract my attention. However being broke makes overly excited of having free food. Alas something decent from the campus (alongside the good connection I am having right now).

Ps: I called, I asked, and I hope I get the money.
OnTrack: Stranger (Yoko Kanno)

Party Follow-Up

The crowd...

Countdown aftermath

Then the party begins...

Now it is 1a.m., and only now I have internet connection since the new year (that is, since I came back from Penang). And of course the connection is having some hiccups. But then it is enough for me to get a flight ticket home. That's a homerun for me. Plus I get to update this blog too. So just had my new year fun. The party was good, the experience was unique, and the pain was relentless. Not exactly physically-inflicting pain, it's just that the Penang trip burns a hole in my pocket. Being broke does not ultimately describe my pathetic state now but having so little cash at hand is enough to picture it. Somehow just having a smooth running internet now gains me some sighs of relief despite of this casually declared state of emergency. Never forget that I still have my parents to back me up for it and no thanks to my ability (of course) to buy my home-bound tickets without the useless reliance of my folks back home to do it, I caught some glimpse of hope to hang on the amount of trickling money from them until I receive the huge payroll from the JPA fundings (FYI, this is the longest word that I managed to pull off on my blog). Now some accounts from the Gurney party - as I dubbed. The kick-off of the party was a little setback as more crowds were storming Gurney Drive. So off to the mall (nothing much to do anyway). Then some gigs were on and I bear those with the rest of the thousands of Penangites who were there. My friend bickered about how boring the gigs were. I did not completely agree with him but after seeing a group of Indonesians causing a scene among the crowd, made me very uncomfortable. So I just tagged along. Initially I did not enjoying to be with the crazy crowd that sprayed party strings and foam at random. Then I got hit. Revenge must be delivered. Spent RM10 to get just to get two cans. Emotions got a good grip on me. And I was my turn to hit them back - spraying at random people. We missed the countdowns from both organising parties - Celcom and DiGi (two main celcos in the country) but we did not missed the mediocre fireworks. Almost perfect. Then everyone on the spraying frenzy. It was a chaos - I liked it. Then we heard some music going on. We headed to it as soon as we could. It was the DiGi post-countdown party. Exactly what I wanted. Both of us were clad in tees and short pants. We did not care. Let the fun begins. As the tunes turned us down, we started to get grumpy and we want to get out! Suddenly house music. That caught our attention. Dance, baby, dance! Then the DJ interrupted - the party's over. The crowd was obviously disappointed but that did not contemplate his decision. Party's over and back to the guest house. Back at the guest house, my friend had some chat with a few foreigners there. A good way to start the new year, I believe - it is in conjunction of Visit Malaysia Year 2007 (VMY07). Then with the help of my local friend there, we have a final trip around Penang (just Queensbay and Gurney only anyway). The party aftermath? Me being very lethargic. Even right now, I am very tired, both from the party and the trip. Okay, I am way past my bedtime and I did not study at all. Ciao.

Ps: I really hate the internet connection here!
OnTrack: Waiting for the World to Change (John Mayer)

Just Another Year

Amazing! I am blogging my first post of the year... and it's 4a.m. now. Don't worry, I am still sober now. I have not settle on my new year resolutions yet but I had thought of a few. For this weekend (since last Friday - that was so last year!), I am having my new year holidays in Penang. So far it's a nice place to spend the new year (comparing today's accounts to my last trip here four years ago). More malls are opening up in Penang, which is good but that does not concern me. More fashion boutiques are opening up. The latest addition are Topshop and Gap. But the ones that I wanted, Quiksilver and CK Jeans, are present already. A reason good enough for me to come to Penang next time. Last night (though last year seemed to be a better term for it), I had tried my best to abstain myself from shopping. Mission failed I guess. A pair of jeans was one of my to-buy list. But at least I skipped eating from Fridays 9for today). Later in the afternoon, I'm going to meet up with my friend and hopefully avoiding those kind of restaurants. Confessions from a total broke guy. Just now, my friend and I had went for the countdown party in Gurney. It's the best place to be for New Year's Eve! The concert was rather lame and boring but the people there sure know how to have fun - spraying party foams to everyone. Then, there's the post-countdown party. The beats were on and people start to dance. Some gotten out of hand. Some stripping (half-naked) and some battle for the dance floor. Need to cut my post short now. The guest house caretaker wanted me to stop. Till then happy new year.

Ps: I want to party in Penang!
OnTrack: My Love (by Justin Timberlake feat. TI)