Breaking News

I give up on my exams. Period. Whatever done is done. I won't bother about it anymore. I have been wasting my time surfing the internet for hours without giving a damn with my studies. Just face it, even if I pursue on my revision, I wouldn't do much of a difference. Off to bed now. Better get some good rest before the big day tomorrow.

Possible Hiatus

"Boulevard of Broken Dreams..."

I will be having my finals tomorrow. Yes... tomorrow. So far, I have not finished my revisions yet. There are still quite a lot to cover. I repeat, not done studying yet. Conjecture? Dead meat. Butchered hard by a red pen - indicating possible bad results. My roommate somewhat gave some rather motivational statement last night. I quote,

"There is no way we will fail our exams. We did well in our assignments and continuous assessments. The worst we could get is a C or D grades."

Hmm... rather inspiring. At least it shows some glimpse of hope to survive in university at least (though achieving the top bench seems quite impossible now). I recalled a chat that I had recently. We were desperate, I guess. We needed some motivations to study, so we talked crap. Most of it... crap. Anyway, we promised a bunch of stuff if we managed to score well in our finals (DUH!). I promised them a trip to my hometown of Miri if I ever score 4.0 (haha... as if that would happen) and promised them a dinner if I got into the Dean's list (it's still within reach... I am hopeful of that). My roommate promised us RM 20 each for the Dean's list and extra RM 10 if we all got 4.0 (he promised us dinner at Secret Recipe actually). As for my other friends, it seemed far-fetched but he vowed a dinner plus a night stay in Renaissance Hotel, under the terms of us getting 4.0 (earlier he promised us a stay in Penang). Is this what they call Boulevard of Broken Dreams? Beats me.

Oh yeah, exam details. Three days after today are packed with exams. Then a few days interval, followed by two days of exam. Some more intervals before ending it with the last paper which is the worst and idiotic paper that I have ever sat for. Since I still more stuff to cover here, I cut my blog short now. Back to reality, exam's tomorrow.

What Raya?

"Everyone's home for Raya except me..."

So what it's Raya now. I don't celebrate it, so should I care? Wrong! Actually, I don't mind not going back for Raya. I mean what else can I do during Raya, other than cake-hunting from house to house, right? Well, Raya in Kelantan is fucking boring not so... well... I... okay, I won't comment. But I guess it doesn't affect me much since it's not the time of celebration for me (again, minus the free food from the oh-do-i-have-to-do-this Raya open house). Really, I don't mind. Just now I've just checked my e-mail from my Hotmail Windows Live Mail and I was glad to receive a long-anticipated mail. All of the pic from my previous KL trip - delivered. Opened the file. Found some extras. Shit! Raya visiting pics. Am I bothered? Nope, not yet. Scroll some more. A real hard kick to my guts. All of my friends are back home for Raya. All of them. I was not inside that picture. I was not there. I literally screamed (worried if I disturbed my friend who enjoying his slumber). Back to the pics again. One cold, cruel, hard fact. Everyone's home for Raya except me. My greatest fear? No one's there when it's my turn to go back home. It is official. Raya in Kelantan sucks! Big time!

On a different topic. Just viewed both new music videos from Jay Chou. Ju Hua Tai and Hong Mo Fang. My review? Both sucks, especially Hong Mo Fang. It's baseless, it's meaningless. Another unrelated topic. Contrary to popular belief that the internet connection here in my campus of laid-back Kubang Kerian, Kelantan is pretty much fucked-up, I've stil managed to download three episodes of Blood+, some new applications and mp3s. Not bad for a rotten internet connection from "USMKK" network.

Music buzz is unavailable now since I am isolated from the real world.

Back from Sin City

Feeling refreshed now. Just woke up, took a late shower and just had my quick dinner just now. Today is Hari Raya and I expect hell through this festivity ordeal. I am not going to be bothered about that. Better report in about my KL trip. I think I just list down everything that we did during the last weekend (not in chronological order). I wish to write more but I am still drowsy and quite in a blur of what to share about. Here it goes...

We did shopping: Well, this is KL. What do you expect for us to do if not fo shopping. All I know the girls really had fun shopping. They actually demanded to shop the moment they have arrived in KL. The guys just tag along. But having to wait hours for the girls to do their sabbathical obligation (whatever you want to name it), we really suffered in boredom - though I may did some shoppng myself, the girls appeared to be more obssessed in it.

We did photography: Not exactly an activity that we have intended but camera-whoring appeared to be the thing that we really enjoyed. Get us a digicam and we go ga-ga on posing ridiculously and show our eccentric side.

We did karaoke: When we first arrived in KL, we plan to head on to Zouk later that night. We were fine then. But after awhile (having the girls to shop their heart out). In the end, I was so tired and a friend of mine complained headache. We totally lost the mood to go out that night. So the plan was screwed. Yet that night, we still had the enery to grab supper and I managed to grab a bottle (I could barely finished up half a bottle). The next night, we were commited to have fun. Since Sunday night is a bad day to a club outing, we hit the karaoke lounge. Yes, karaoke. Sang like a bunch of idiots.

Starbucks-addict? That only applies to me. The first thing I did in KL (I came earlier to KL than my friends) was to go to Bukit Bintang, ordered one large Java Chips at Starbucks and waited till the malls are open. Even before I left, I had a crossaint from Delifrance and iced mocha from Starbucks as my dinner. Later on I regretted my decision. I gotten very hungry inside the train. Should have taken a hearty meal.

We only stayed in KL for two nights. We still tired from our bus ride from our places but still hang on to have fun in KL. Okay, blame us if we spent more time on shopping (shopping can be fun too, you know) but the fact is that we enjoyed ourselves. Before we left, we had some refreshments in Planet Hollywood. Later we found out that the pub is limited to those who aged 21 and above. Damn! Next time...


The groupies are never the same...


Kids grown up a lot these days


Leaving our marks in KL


He does not want to be left behind...

Blog Quickie: Volume 4

Just arrived from KL after a long 14 hours journey by train (don't trust me, I lost count of the time already). After exhausting myself from endless fun, I guess we had wrapped everything up yesterday. Wish to blog longer but the fatigue starts to kick in - hard. Yes, another quickie today. Aftermath? Tired, broke, and begin to worry about my finals. But first things first. Get some eye shut. Continue blogging later - with details of my KL trip (I know you want this, Doug...).

Blog Quickie: Volume 3

In KL now.
Enjoying my time here with my friends.
Enjoy it to the fullest since I need to study to the max after this.
It's a short stay. Will leave this Monday.
Need to go now. My friends are bickering now...
p/s: Girls are lethal weapon when they start to shop!

Who Am I?

"Am I a nocturnal?"

You know you are nocturnal if you stay up from late afternoon until the wee hours of the morning, only to sleep at broad daylight. You know you are nocturnal when you consume more coffee (WRONG! Doing this only makes to stay awake for more than 24 hours. You are a machinist, not nocturnal). You know you are nocturnal if you shy away from the sunlight, having the comfort to go out at nighttime. You know you are nocturnal if you don't know the time is - lacking the time judgement (WRONG! That actually means that you messed up your biological time clock, probably because you are attempting to be a nocturnal). You know you are nocturnal if you play dotA quite often (it's not relevant to this topic but it's true! In fact you can stay uo the whole night playing dotA without even feeling sleepy).
Okay, now heed those words and digest them properly. That is my diagnosis of myself and it is up to you to decide the whole deal. Root question, am I a nocturnal? Note that being nocturnal does not mean I study a lot to catch up everything that I have abandoned before, or even playing the dotA with a serious addiction to it. Everyone, let me introduce you to my new lifestyle. It's unhealthy, it's not normal, it's plain crazy. Everytime I ponder about this, I really felt guitly of myself, since I am acting like a pig these days. Come on, I always call myself a pig nowadays. I really hate the person I am now. But unfortunately, it's very difficult for me to get rid of this horrendous habit. Guilt conscious versus self-denial. I wonder who will prevail. In fact, it's a death match. And I am hoping for the guilt conscious to win because at this rate, I need to survive this university life - at all cost.

The Requiem

Yesterday morning, Saturday, about 9.30 a.m., I had received this message:
"Hafizah's gone. May she rest in peace."
That message is still fresh in my mind. In fact, it still is disturbing me. In this reality, we face death all the time since death is imminent to all mortals alike. But you tend to have fun with every moment of your life (especially being youthful, you usually get carried away with it) that you would at times, neglecting the reality of life and death - until such disaster strike. Many times I had tried imagine myself facing the final moments in life and quite often that I would be very terrified to put myself into that shoe. Being young, I thought I have a lot things to accomplish and a lot experiences to discover. To have time taken away from you... I have no words to describe that thought.
Now back to the real deal, I was informed that she breathe her last at 9.11 a.m. Apperently the combination number of 9 and 11 is a cursing tabboo. A few days earlier, my friends messaged me about the critical condition. From what I have learnt, she suffered a blood clot in her brain. The early diagnisis that I had was stroke. Stroke can be fatal but most cases, the sufferer will escape death from the first stroke attack. The second one would usually leads to death. Yet, the severity of her condition back then did not fit the diagnosis. So far, I am clueless of the cause. But what is for sure, the blood clot had triggered a deadly chain of events.
Let us pray for Hafizah's soul. May she rest in peace. Amen.
...
Now on a different issue. As you have noticed, I am posting this blog at 3.45 a.m. The last couple of days, I had spent my time on going out and sleeping. No study. Okay, screw studying. Anyway, I spent 30 hours of staying up on this outing (particulars here). Headed room and went straightly to bed. Then woke up to, yet again, another outing. Thankfully, it's a short one. Then, I tried to study, only to waste my time on anime and dotA. Now, I am committing myself to study, though I see my effort as useless (it's better than nothing right?). Okay then, don't want oto waste my time on blogging. Off to my studies now.

Walking Zombie

"..."

I have been trying to survive the day today just by the help of a few shots of caffeine into my bloodstream. I am trying my best to keep my sanity and my consciousness to post this blog. FYI, I am typing this very slow yet it still have a bunch of typing errors and some grammartical errors. In fact I am not sure what to type in my post here. Anyway here it goes... It has been more than 24 hours I have been awake and still is fighting my way to keep myself awake for a few more hours. Excuse? Simply to reset back my normal biological clock. I need this since I don't want to risk waking up late for an exam. That would be very critical. Yet being a nocturnal, it would take some time for me to adapt. Again the internet connection is such an ass. I really not enjoying th internet service here. I don't know why the connectivity is detoriating day by day. Anyway I had stayed up simply on the reason that my roommate is also staying up - we just had our quiz and we have been studying to prepare ourselves for the quiz. By the way, about the quiz, it was not that really difficult. Thankfully I didn't really gave a damn about that quiz - because it's worth it! Okay now gotten blank - as for zero, absent-mindedness. I am clueless of what say!

No music buzz today. To tired to think of one...

Rants...

"Seclude myself in my own personal space..."

No mood to study at all. All I have in my mind is to do anything else other than studying and have more fun. Partly because the medic students are having their holidays now. Just the sight of them relaxing their asses around motivated me to relax along with them. Nowadays I am on the path of self-destruction. I spoil my biological time clock. Sleep during the wee hours of the morning, only to wake up around afternoon. Then I also stuff myself up - emotionally driven. Then I play games - heck a lot. As if I am possessed or something. I even neglecting my studies. Yes, ladies and gents, behold a PIG has born into the earth. A PIG that goes by the name Brian. I start to skid myself away from the real society - reality alike, begin to seclude myself in my own personal space. Someone advised me that the world does not revolves around me. I must keep up to be with world so that I am not being left behind. No, in my case the world does not revolve. I try to revolve but I failed. Seeking myself in the dark, I realised that all of my efforts are in despair.
Now on the another topic, I really need to rant this out. THE INTERNET CONNECTION HERE SUCKS!!! BIG TIME!!! Yes, you heard that right. So much for providing the best for the students, the campus authority failed to deliver their best to take care of the well-being of the students. And I began to wonder where the heck had all the government funding gone to. This is an IPTA. I know that the university does not serve for the students, unlike in private universities. But they should perform better with large sum of money from the government since the since the government is very typical with the country's education performance. In short, the students are being pampered. The real scenario happened otherwise. To begin with is this f**ked up internet connection. Well, they use WiFi around here. So to maintain that connection would be such a big problem right? Wrong! In this case that is. I don't mind having a donkey-paced connection or internet at the speed of the government, but please make it a continuous one, without any disruption. Ask me if I am relieved after load this out of my chest? Hell no. The connection still buggered me till I am very pissed off!

Music buzz: Dou Shi Ni by Guang Liang

Dull Day

"Everything is dull."

Dull. Everything is dull. So boring. Nothing much going on. Yes, it was Mooncake Festival last night. But nothing much to celebrate here. Welcome to Kelantan, a very Islamic state. Anything that does not concern Islam will pretty be ignored in this place. Well I really didn't bother about their fasting month of Ramadhan anyway. Either way, I am not bothered at all. It's been raining for the past two days. Plus that to my boredom. Yes, study for my exams next week. I'm having three in fact for the period of two weeks. When I was supposed to cramp my head with the boring Anatomy and Physiology lecture notes (Oh how I hate this subject! And not to mention Dr. Farid!), I played dotA (as usual) and appease myself with a health dose of anime. Anyway I'm currently watching Blood+. It's a cool anime but too bad no one to share this to, other than my roommate who seemed to be enjoying watching it. Mark my words that it's a damn good anime (I'm good at critics anyway). Right now I'm downloading episode 21 with a slow connection. Ouch! Snail-paced conection bugs me a lot. Oh so hungry now. I didn't eat anything other than biscuits today. Practically, I only eat once a day (same thing yesterday). Now off to the lame cafe downstairs and start to wonder what to eat.

Music buzz: Season's Call by HYDE (from L'arc En Ciel)

Play. No. Play. Don't play. No. Play!

"In jovial mood."

Okay, not so emo today. That's good. Maybe because I didn't meet her at all today Instead, I became very menacingly lazy and obssessed with dotA. I have problem in gaming. If I lose, I will play it over and over again until I am an expert in it. Yes, an avid gamer for now. I hope this will not persist until my final exams. O what an ass have I have become. Even though I neglect my studies for now (I need to study today because tomorrow night will be an all-out big-time LAN battle for dotA - wait a minute, I'm posting this blog 3 a.m. so it'll be tonight!), I am in a jovial mood. Simply due to that I had fun last night (alas, a better timing context for my early morning blog). We went out to the nearby eatery stall - MacB's, as usual. And as we headed our way back, it began to rain heavily. So we sheltered at the nearby building, which is apparently to be a guest house for my campus. To my surprise, it looks like a fine hotel. Not bad, not bad. And so we decided to have a look around. Somehow a friend of mine met her acquaintance and asked her (I quote - hyperbolically):
"What the heck are you guys doin' here?" she asked.
"We're freaking stuck in the rain, honey," my friend replied.
"Say what. Let me give ya motherf**kers a ride back home."
"You f**king kidding me?"
"Ya damn sure. You wanna it or not?"
"Oh yeah!"
And that is how the story goes. Sorry for the obscenity. Anyway we really had the ride of our live - literally. Salutions to those good samaritans! Lastly, happy birthday to Pei Meng and Man Eng. As I've mentioned from my previous post, we had celebrated their birthday last night. How I wish to post some pics from that night but I haven't transfer those pics yet, plus the wireless connection here right now is bitchin' around. Not wanting to risk any interruption on my blog update, I screwed the intention. Anyway, I wish them the best of luck in their coming future. Peace out! (Along with this freaking connection!)

Music buzz: Aozora no Namida by Hitomi Takahashi

I, The Villain

"This twisted fairytale..."

In this not-so-happy story, I played a role as a villain. And I always had been one these days. I'm out there to annoy the one whom I cherish the most. I never had been very honest with my feelings. As though I have some feedback mechanism to avoid any emotional involvement with someone, my nature as a menacing villian takes play. Just as much I really care for that someone to the extend I might like her, I keep on making a further distance from her. Oh how pathetic I am! What worse is that in every story with a villian, there is always a knight with shining armor come to the maiden's aid. Being an evil person, I envy that adored hero due to the reason that he may be the prince charming for the sacred maiden... and that saddens me. Yes, this is exactly what had happened last night. Never thought this such scenario would be materialized. And again as a villain, I vow to defeat that hero although he may be my acquaintance. This also made to keep a subtle grudge against the maiden. But have her on my sight... it reminded of how beautiful and precious is her to me. Suddenly in this twisted fairytale, came another maiden that gave a second thought. I became confused. Should I choose and give up on the long-forsaken maiden? Or should I be the knight to the new maiden?
Okay then. Enough of fairy tales! I don't sound right these days. Hope you don't mind of my dillusional self of mine. I start to lose my grip of my sanity. Don't know how long can I take this? Anyway, I developed a new obsession with.. Lara Liang Veronin. She's a mythical beauty for me. After this while, I only have some hear-says of how pretty she is and I just tagged along. Not until I have decided to watch the MV for Shang Hu Ai. Oh boy! What a hottie Lara is! And I just fell for her the moment I have saw her face. And guess what? She's a year younger than me. Unbelievable! Damn Jay Chou. He's one lucky S.O.B. to discover Lara to the world. Can't believe me? Just google her name for her pics and you will know the real deal. On a different topic, later I will be celebrating my friends' birthday. Let's have some great party bashing! But I need to finish my report first. Now off to continue my work.

Music Buzz: Jiang Nan by JJ Ling Jun Jie

Emo...

"Forget about it and move forward."

Just finished and submitted all of my assignments. And also wrapped things up for the Mooncake Festival celebration. Next on the list are my debate (for my oral test), my OSPE and another 2 CAs. I had been very busy for the past week but now I am a bit relaxed. I even got time to play dotA. Ever once I played dotA from 12am till 8am... non-stop. I was very much obsessed. But those are for a reason. Having my hands occupied for the Mooncake Festival (I helped around with some miscellaneous tasks) and stayed up till 5am. In fact, I was delighted when the multimedia presentation had shown pics of us eating at 7-Eleven for early breakfast. At least my efforts were appreciated. Then ever once, after one rehearsal, I got really emo... Well, to be frank I was devastated by a shocking truth. It's more like a very personal stuff, I don't really think I would willing to share this to the public. I was sadden by it. So I had a crazy thought to stay up to ease off my frustrations. I still am frustrated but my best friend adviced me to forget about it and move forward. I simply cannot forget about it but I begin to move on with my life (and as a consequence I might offend others in the process, seclusion is what I had in mind). Okay now. Drop that one out. Don't wanna talk about it again. Just the thought of it frustates me (hint: one particular heart-breaking scene playing in my mind). Later this month, I will have a reunion with my friends and it's during study week. Well, I couldn't care less. I miss them a lot and I really wanna meet them. And nothing will stop me from doing so (unless I am very broke, then I have to call it off). Now I just need confirmation from them to go for the green light. I have to stop blogging now. I still have some stuff to do. I'm doing this out of courtesy for not blogging for a long time anyway. Now off to my works.

Music buzz: Qian Li Zhi Wai by Jay Chou